Sometimes, it’s easy to see what’s not working with our kids. What they’re not doing (PJ’s on the floor anyone, grrr?). How does it make you feel? And does this approach really work with changing their behaviour?
We can thank our brains negativity bias for those thoughts. However, thankfully, we can train our brains to do things differently.
Strengths Based Parenting is all about looking for what’s working. Taking an appreciative approach to our kids/partners etc. I believe the more family members who you include in the perspective shift, the more you will get out of it.
Professor Water’s talks about 3 elements to look for in a strength: Use, Performance and Energy. Use being they are naturally draw to using it, it comes from inside them. Performance, their effectiveness at using it, and energy – does it increase their energy when it’s in use.
An example, Isa is good at gymnastics. She would use the world as her playground. She got to a stage I couldn’t teach anymore so I sent her to gymnastics. Within weeks the coach asked if she could go up to a squad program. After 3.5 hours training one day she mentioned how energised she was, she was excited for what she had learned and was accelerating quickly. A talent was emerging. A strength that helped propel the talent is perseverance. This strength is starting to play out more and more within her life and being acknowledged outside of the family unit.
Mel a friend shared how her daughter Jess is really caring and kind. She has been looking for ways this can be nurtured offering her new opportunities to explore and develop her talents and strengths. Jess is also a responsible child, showing prudence and self-regulation at a really young age. So, Mel offers her the opportunities to express this strength by allowing her to do things like ride ahead a little and offers her freedom to build these strengths.
She commented, that looking at their strengths really helps her connect with her girls. Seeing their strengths develop brings her energy and a desire to spend more time with them. It helps in the more challenging times too when she needs to give feedback.
Using a Strength Based Parenting lens can be uplifting (our focus changes), develops positive emotions (we become more open to opportunities and less stressed), our kids catch our happiness (emotions are contagious), plus were helping them develop and bring out their best selves.
It is all about looking for and enhancing the natural strengths and talents our children are born with. It’s the things they are naturally engerised by, the things that they are drawn to and/or pick-up quickly – our role is to help build these qualities in our kids. Doing this builds their life satisfaction and in-stills their ability to use their strengths to build resilience and increase their happiness.
One thing I love about this style of parenting is the joy I garner from watching my girls be the best version on themselves.
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