By Katie Coyle
It is a true privilege to share with you our first guest blogger Katie Coyle from Nurse Mom Shop. Katie is a pediatric neurology nurse and mom of three (soon to be four!) from Portland, Oregon. Katie writes about Growth Mindset and develops worksheets on social emotional learning strategies to help children manage anxiety. A big thank you to Katie for sharing this blog with us! We hope you enjoy.
“Mindset isn’t everything but it is almost everything.” – Mary Pipher
I spent eight years working as pediatric neurology nurse. Those years gave me a unique perspective on just how resilient and malleable the brains of children are. It is an incredible thing to watch a child recovering from an injury or surgery and literally witness their brain reinforcing old pathways and creating new ones.
In the years that I was working in that setting, I also became a parent to premature twins and spent a great deal of time at various therapies with them. I got to witness their brains growing and changing. It was a powerful experience. The combination of my personal and professional experiences has made me a passionate believer in the idea of growth mindset.
Practicing a growth mindset means embracing the idea that our brains are capable of growth and change. Our resilience is not fixed but rather is able to shift and grow. A growth mindset encourages us to remember that our brains are able to learn new skills and form new pathways. It is a well-researched and proven approach to building resilience in children. Encouraging a growth mindset has transformed my parenting and changed our family.
In 2006, Carol Dweck published her incredible book (Mindset: The New Psychology of Success) and gave the world such a gift. Her research proves that when children view their brains as capable of growth and change, it allows them to bounce back from failure with more resilience and grit.
I am going to share with you eight ways to practically implement a growth mindset in your family.
- Recognize that practicing growth mindset it NOT just for children. We can not effectively teach our children skills that we are not modeling. They are paying attention to our actions at least as much (if not more!) than our words. What this practically looks like is working towards eliminating perfectionistic thinking in your family. Be honest with your children about your mistakes. Tell them stories about when you’ve had to persevere through challenges. I now verbalize with my children things like, “Mommy is feeling kind of nervous about starting this new job. It’s really hard for me to start something new. But I know that my brain can learn new things. I also know it is going to take me some time to learn this so I’m going to have to be patient with myself.”
- Use the word YET as much as you can! Growth mindset embraces the idea of YET. For example, if your child is struggling with their math homework, encourage them to remember that they don’t know how to do this YET. But remind them that their brain can learn something new with practice.
- Praise PROGRESS instead of PERFECTION. Instead of saying things like, “You’re just naturally good at that.” Try something like, “I noticed how hard you’re working on that.” While it’s true that we are born with certain traits or gifts, it is important for us to acknowledge that our skills and abilities are not fixed.
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Role play – children learn through PLAY! While you’re playing Lego or dolls with your children, incorporate growth mindset language and ideas. It may feel uncomfortable at first but it really does work. Repetition is so valuable. Talk about how your doll tried something new and didn’t feel successful. But she didn’t give up! She persevered and asked for help and tried again.
- Read growth mindset books Children also learn from story. My two favorite elementary-aged books that explore the idea of growth mindset are What Do You Do With A Problem? and What to Do with An Idea? Links to these books along with other favorite social emotional learning books can be found on my website here.
- Practice growth mindset affirmations. I will include a link here where you can download printable growth mindset affirmation cards. We have these strung up in our living room. I’ve created a growth mindset unit for children 5-7 years of age that includes a lot of affirmations. The unit can be found here and downloaded for free!
- Discuss the idea of growth mindset with other caregivers. Most likely your children have other caregivers in their lives. Discuss with them what a growth mindset means and talk about ways that you’re implementing it in your family. My twins had a favorite babysitter when they were young and I had her start using the same language we were using in therapy. I also got my parents on board. Consistency and continuity of care are hugely powerful.
- Practice self-care. When we are exhausted and overwhelmed it is so much easier to be reactive instead of proactive in our parenting. Practicing a growth mindset requires us to be proactive in our approach. Prioritizing self-care also sets a valuable example for our kids that adults need quiet time and breaks too. I understand how complicated the juggle of work/life/parenting balance can be it can be but self-care matters too much to ignore. I often will do childcare exchanges with friends so that each mom can go for an hour walk/run while the kids play. I also love the daycare providers at our gym. Brainstorm ways that you can include some self-care in your routine.
We will never perfectly model growth mindset for our families, that is the point! We are growing right alongside our children. May we be patient and kind both our children and to ourselves in this process.
If you would like to connect with Katie on Instagram you can find her @nursemomshop
