I love the practice of gratitude. Love, love, love it. It changed my life. After first doing the VIA Character Strengths Profile, I chose to start doing gratitude (three good things) every day. I wanted to see what happened, how it would make me feel, how it would help me connect to others and most of all, I also wanted to see, if, with consistent action it would move into my top five.
Can I change my brain – can I change my personality traits?
Yes, one year after doing gratitude journaling every night, next time I took the profile it moved into my top five. This is what else happened….
- It lifted my mood, immediately.
- I slept better.
- In challenging times, I knew I could lean on it to help lift me from my funk and change my perspective
- I started to see patterns; patterns of the amazing things others were doing for me. Things I probably acknowledged with a thank you. However, now felt the urge to show my gratitude in other ways.
- I showed my gratitude in different ways, and in turn felt even more positive emotions.
- Also, it gave me further evidence of the types of people and things I am deeply grateful for in life. Mostly it was the people in my life, the micro events that happened, the help of a stranger and the opportunities I have to help others be their best self. It gave me evidence towards my passions.
My kids love it too. We use gratitude everyday as we have dinner. We take it in turns to share what we’re most grateful for and why (three things). Often the girls have many more than three things each they would like to share. When I ask the question, they sit up straight and get excited to share. (In truth, this sometimes turns into an argument of who will share first). However, we roll with that bump in the process as I am so happy, they want to share. They work it out quickly and we move into an insightful, engaging and uplifting conversation as a family. It often transitions into our bedtime routine, as we’re resting and sharing reflections from the day, it comes up again but with a different lens, and different, more restful emotions felt.
I can see in my family that it enables the parasympathetic nervous system to switch on. They move into rest and digest mode. There is a lot of research to support this as gratitude is a positive emotion and we know the power of positive emotion on both our mental and physical well-being.[1] Other things I have noticed with our family:
- It lifts the mood
- They share the positive stories, and I learn about who and what they are grateful for and why (so do they!)
- Sometimes, it’s about what they overcame, opening up conversations about managing conflict, overcoming obstacles and transitions they are navigating
- They are reaping the benefits of the positive emotions it elicits
- They are more likely to share their gratitude to those around them. Including each other. We all want peaceful and loving relationships in the home!! (and outside it too).
Gratitude in kids develops over time, it is a cognitive function that needs to mature. To help it do this, we can use gratitude practices. Like a lot of things in life it takes consistent practice and work on our part. Like the story I shared about the girls and I, I believe it is worth the effort – and you can start at any time!
Greater Good Science Center say it so succinctly, I have borrowed this paragraph on the benefits from them:
“Grateful kids and teens tend to be more engaged in their schoolwork and hobbies, get better grades, and be more satisfied with school, family, community, friends, and themselves. They are more likely to have better social support, give more emotional support to others, and use their strengths to better their community. Overall, they are happier, more optimistic, and more satisfied with their lives.”[2]
It's such a fun and engaging practice to start with your kids. It’s a wonderful positive habit and tradition to start in your family. Your kids won't just be rushing in for dinner, they'll also be eager to share their gratitude reflections from the day!
References
[1] Effects of gratitude meditation on neural network functional connectivity and brain-heart coupling Sunghyon Kyeong, Joohan Kim, Dae Jin Kim, Hesun Erin Kim, and Jae-Jin Kim
Fredrickson, Barbara, (2009). Positivity: Groundbreaking Research to Release Your Inner Optimist and Thrive. London. One World Publications.
[2] Greater Good Science Center, https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/gratitude_questions_for_kids
Hussong, A. M., Langley, H. A., Rothenberg, W. A., Coffman, J. L., Halberstadt, A. G., Costanzo, P. R., & Mokrova, I. (2018). Raising grateful children one day at a time. Applied Developmental Science, DOI: 10.1080/10888691.2018.1441713.